Pre-op 4/18/10

9:32 pm and we are finally at home, all in bed, including baby Lion. What a day. It began at 5:00 this morning with Charles watch alarm going off. I was exhausted and wanted to fall back asleep. Then I remembered....then again, how could I have forgotten. Liam was scheduled for bi-lateral cochlear implant surgery at Swedish hospital. My heart began to race because I knew there is always the possibility of complications. It was also the thought of someone taking my child and the possibility that I may never see him again. The entire situation was just scary.
We arrived at Swedish at 7:00, checked in and then we were off to pre-op for the tests and procedures that included giving Liam what they call "two cocktails". The nurses wouldn't stop talking to him, smiling at him and inquiring. They couldn't get over his contagious smile or his lovable presence. I did fine until I saw Liam get a little loopy. His wave wasn't quite as strong, his eyes glazed over and his little spark and twinkle left his eyes. It was hard to see. The we were asked who would like to go in with the anaesthesiologist while they put Liam under. Charles was the first to volunteer and I knew it would not have been a good thing for me to witness.
I said my goodbyes as I said good-bye to one of the two most important people in my life.
Charles was in with Liam for only 10 min. or so and then he came and got me while Liam went into surgery. We both went to the waiting room until we got the call. All went went. A flawless surgery. About 3 hours total. The Dr. said Liam will do spectacular but I never doubted he wouldn't.
We made it. It is done. The hardest part is over. A year of waiting, a year of sadness but happiness all at once, a year of wonder and anticipation. All I can say is "what a relief". A huge burden has left us tonight. Now if Liam sleeps through the night all will be well. Bandages will be removed tomorrow.

And now for the next adventure....the activation

APPROVAL

I received a text message from Charles on the 4th of March around 10 am stating that Liam had been approved by United Healthcare for bilateral implants. I didn't wish to get the news over a text, but as usual I was on the phone for work when he kept trying to call me with the great news but couldn't get through. I don't blame him.
It is a miracle. His surgery will be on the 28th of April, just 6 days after he turns one. Activation of the implants will be done on May 11th. What does that mean? It means that Liam has a chance to hear, to speak, to listen and learn spoken language. It means intense auditory verbal therapy and much practice but with time and patience he should catch up to this "hearing age" quickly.
We are so excited we cannot stand it. Just to think Liam will be exposed to sound in 2 months. It blows my mind. God is good to us and he has been so faithful during this journey. Time has gone fast and I have healed from all the sadness and the pain. I feel like me again. I feel happy and joyful and no longer sad about what could have been. Instead it is what was given to me and I honestly could not have asked for a better son.

Liam 2/28/10

Liam at breakfast with our friends Vera, Carlos and Adrian
To the left you will see Charles holding up baby Adrian's processor from his implant up to Liam's head to see what it will look like. Adrian's parents chose a brown color. We are either going to go with black or white. The white looks like ipod white and very clean looking. In five years they will be even smaller. Simply amazing

Our breakfast with Adrian

What a wonderful morning. We met our friends who recently had their son, Adrian, implanted at 9 months. We saw him for the first time today at breakfast in Boulder with baby Liam. His implants are the newest, latest and greatest and he didn't even seem to mind they were on. I was shocked being that a lot of our friends with children who have implants complain that keeping them on their tiny head is the hardest part. He is doing great with his bionic ears and we are so amazed still that there is technology out their to enable kids to have spoken language and to hear sound.

Lion's newest talents include waving to and fro, winking...yes, we wink at him and he "winks" back with both eyes, with all his might opening and closing his big blue eyes. It is about the funniest thing I have seen him do yet. He is into everything, including my weights in the basement, and learning sign. We are only teaching but a few signs for now since after he will be implanted we will focus on auditory verbal and will most likely drop the sign.

Liam has 2 teeth on top and 4 in the bottom. I cannot believe how time is flying. He isn't walking by himself yet, but I am sure once he gets up the confidence to break away from the ottoman, he will be going full blast.

We have all been sick for about two weeks now. First, me with the croup, then Charles got a cold and now Liam. I never thought I would see the day when Charles was really sick because he has such a strong immune system.
Well, lets hope this week will be the week we hear something back from United Healthcare. Hopefully good news and a surgery date!

How can you be so happy?

If there is one lesson I learned today it was that despite our challenges in life we are in control of our happiness. I can truly say this is true seeing how happy our little Liam is despite his hearing loss, despite a red bum from diaper rash, despite his sniffles. He just continues to thrive and be as happy as can be despite it all. When I wake up in the morning I go to his room to see a smile from ear to ear peaking through his wooden crib slats. His day and my day begin with happiness, trust and love. What a way to start the day. What a way to end it. I look forward to continue to learn about life from my son. Boy do I love him.

The joy of Motherhood

Liam will be 10 months on the 22nd. It has all gone by so fast and we are still waiting for the letter from United Healthcare. Every day I look forward to opening the mail box to see if a letter awaits with the return address from United. Will it be a joyful letter, a life changing letter or a letter telling us we have been denied once again? They said that they approved bi-lateral implants at 12 months so I hope and pray they mean it.

Our friends son just received implants on the 10th and he is 9 months and doing great. I so wish Liam was in the same boat but we just enjoy him for who he is now and enjoy him every day. I cannot believe how his smile lights up a room and how his eyes communicate to us since he is yet unable to. He is using a few signs like "milk" and "more" and will blow me an occasional kiss and wave and clap when he sees his Mom or Dad. When he claps it is like he is saying "hang in there, be joyful, we are almost there Mom and Dad". Just thinking about him right now as he sleeps makes me want to cry b/c I love that little guy so much.

Tonight we went to dinner with some dear friends of ours and as we sat their eating pizza, my friend said to me " It just seems like Liam can hear us". It does seem as though Liam can hear since he is so observant and alert. He has learned to listen with his eyes and I often forget he is living in a silent world. What will it be like when he can hear the birds chirp or the rain hit against the window during a storm? Or the clash or thunder or a snoring pug? I cannot wait. To teach him to hear, teach him to love and teach him to never take his health and technology for granted. If we would have had Liam 5 or 6 years ago we wouldn't have had the opportunity we have today.

After hearing of Liam's deafness

My Mother couldn't seem to get through to me after I had learned of Liam's hearing loss. A note she left for me that has been sitting on my desk at home for almost 9 months is something that has stuck with me and is so true.

"One of the most tragic things I know is that all of us tend to put off living. We dream of some magical garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside of our window today"

Liam is my garden of roses.